


Remembrance

by Leona_Esperanza



Series: They Needed a Pilot [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Genre: (it doesn't happen though), Adjunct Talent BB-8, Amnesia, Blank Check Spells, Former Wizard Poe Dameron, Fusion - Young Wizards, Gen, Recovered Memories, Sacrifice, Speculation on sexual assault as a form of torture, canon torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22139995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leona_Esperanza/pseuds/Leona_Esperanza
Summary: Kylo Ren uncovered more than just the location of the map to Luke Skywalker from Poe Dameron's mind.
Series: They Needed a Pilot [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593568
Comments: 12
Kudos: 21





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> Canon dialogue used in some parts. If you recognize it, it's not mine.

"I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board."

Outwardly, Poe Dameron was still the same sarcastic, cocky son of a bitch who'd smartmouthed Kylo Ren back on Jakku; but inwardly he cringed. So much for staying under the radar.

The interrogation room wasn't very large. It didn't need to be; there was only one piece of furniture in there, after all. But the moment Kylo Ren stepped into the room, the walls seemed to press inward, like the trash compactor in the General's stories of the Rebellion. She'd been tortured, too, Poe remembered. General Organa was the strongest person Poe knew, but even she hadn't been immune to the kind of pain the Force could bring to bear on a person. Poe knew better than to delude himself into believing he could succeed where she had failed; and yet, he had to try. He couldn't face her again, if he didn't do all within his power to defend the Resistance from the First Order's wrath.

"Comfortable?" Ren asked, his voice smug behind the mask.

"Not really." Poe didn't see any point in lying, not when he needed to save his energy for resisting the harder questions he knew were coming.

"I'm impressed," Ren said, pacing forward slowly. "No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map."

"You might want to rethink your technique," Poe said before he could stop himself.

Ren stretched out his hand, fingers splayed wide. For just a moment, Poe dared to hope that Ren's mindreading ability might be weaker than his telekinetic skills. The physical skills were easier to master, or so he'd heard; but the ability to sift through another's thoughts and memories to locate a particular fact -

_Don't think about it! Think about something else - anything else!_

\- came only after years of training. Of course, he didn't know exactly how long Kylo Ren had been training, or how well he'd learned his lessons - but Poe could hope, right?

The first tendrils of Ren's power began to wrap around Poe's mind, cold and slithering. Poe shuddered as invisible fingers slid into his brain, invading his thoughts, invading his _self_. Then the fingers grasped and _pulled_ , and Poe found himself drawn physically toward Ren as well, as Ren sought to pull loose the information he wanted. Poe clenched his jaw and mentally dug in his heels, straining to hold himself together as Ren pulled harder, harder...

Ren released his hold without warning, slamming Poe back into the chair. Poe blinked and tried to get his breath back, but the respite was too brief, Ren only adjusting his angle of attack before grabbing again at Poe's mind.

"Where is it?" Ren demanded, his anger driving white-hot spikes into Poe's brain.

"The Resistance will not be intimidated by you."

The pressure grew. "Where is it?" Ren repeated.

Then Ren's mind tore into his, and Poe's hopes were shredded as easily as his defenses.

* * *

"There was an accident... I'm sorry, she didn't make it."

Those were the only words Poe could make out, but they were enough. The eight year old silently backed away from the open window where he'd been eavesdropping, hoping to hear more exciting stories about the Rebellion, and ran before anyone inside could notice him. It took his father over an hour to find him, perched in the rafters of the shed above his mother's old A-wing, silently praying to whatever gods might be listening, begging them - _bring her back, bring her back -_

* * *

His X-wing drifted through space, its systems offline, and Poe couldn't get them to come back up again. The electronics were too badly damaged, and BB-8 - _Hang in there, buddy, I'll fix you, I won't let you down, I promise -_

Comms were down as well, and the X-wing was drifting in the wrong direction; Poe couldn't see the battle. They had to win - they'd sacrificed too much already, they couldn't let the Malara sun flare out, they had to get the tech there - they _had_ to, no matter the cost -

So many lives lost, so many more at stake - and here was Poe, drifting helplessly while his friends fought and died...

* * *

Climbing down the ladder one-handed, his other arm pressed tight against his side to keep from jostling his cracked ribs, Poe struggled to stay in control. They were pulling BB-8 from the wreckage. The droid might be salvageable, they were saying; but so many pilots had been lost, too many. They'd won the battle, they'd saved Malara; but it seemed the Dark Side always took its due.

Poe stumbled away from his fighter, covering his ears with both hands to block out the technicians' chatter. He couldn't listen anymore, it was too much, too much death and destruction, and he couldn't stop it, he'd lost - he'd lost so much...

There was shouting all around him, and then the strong, furry arms of the squadron's Wookiee mechanic caught him as his legs gave out and the darkness overwhelmed him.

* * *

Poe glared at Kylo Ren, his fists clenched. "Is that the best you got?" he taunted Ren, shoving the pain and despair to the back of his mind. "Some bad memories - that's what's supposed to get me to talk?" He didn't laugh - he suspected it would sound more than a little forced if he did - but he subjected Ren to the best look of contempt he could manage.

"Oh, no." The modulated voice still conveyed Ren's dark amusement. "That's just the warm up." He stretched his hand toward Poe -

* * *

The A-wing was in trouble. Smoke streamed from its starboard engine as its pilot struggled to stay in control of the faltering craft. Then the engine burst into flames, and the canopy flew away as the pilot pulled the eject lever. A moment later, the pilot followed, the A-wing falling away as the eject mechanism propelled her up, up...

And then she started to fall.

"Mom!" Poe screamed, watching the tiny figure fall, faster and faster, toward the open ocean below her. "Mom, pull your chute! _Mom!_ "

But Shara Bey's chute had malfunctioned, the post-crash investigation would later determine. She was likely fully conscious when she ejected from her burning A-wing. She would have been completely aware for the entire two minutes of free fall from that altitude. She would have had two minutes to watch her own death approaching, helpless to prevent it.

"Mom!" Poe fell to his knees, unable to tear his eyes away. There had to be something he could do - something _she_ could do - she couldn't just _die_ , not like this, not when she could have - when Poe could have -

Could have what? Stopped time? Weakened gravity?

If only - if only -

* * *

Poe gasped, the sudden withdrawal of Ren's mind hitting him like a bucket of cold water to the face. He sagged in the restraints, breathing heavily, trying to fight off the nausea the nightmare always brought with it. It was just a dream, but it felt so real, too real, as if he'd been there. Poe knew he should never have read the post-crash analysis of his mother's death; he'd always had too much imagination for his own good...

"And yet you became a pilot, like your mother," Ren said, softly mocking. "Don't you wonder what she was thinking as she fell? Do you imagine she was thinking of her family, her sweet baby boy? Or was she regretting her choice to defy the Empire, to fight for the Rebellion?"

Poe spat in Ren's direction. "F-fuck you, Darth Ridiculous," he managed to gasp out.

Ren's hand flew up, fingers clenching into a fist, and Poe choked against the invisible vice that closed around his throat. He thrashed in the restraints, the panic overwhelming him -

* * *

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't _breathe,_ and the skin all down one side - his face, his arm, his leg - had been flayed away when he lost control of the motorcycle and went skidding across the asphalt; but that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part was his hand, bloody and mangled, the fingers twisted in unnatural directions. If his friends didn't find him in time - if he was left to the mercy of this world's primitive surgical techniques - would he ever fly again?

"Poe! Holy shit, man, I _told_ you to take it slow!" a voice shouted, and then a face appeared above him. The man was handsome, with brown hair and a neat mustache, and worried brown eyes met his. "Don't worry, we'll get you patched up - both of you - it's just a blown tire and some scratched paint, it'll be a piece of cake once we get you fixed." The man - who was he? - was babbling nervously, which didn't ease Poe's fear.

"Hey, it's okay, cousin. Just focus on breathing." This was another voice, and Poe flicked his eyes sideways to see another man, dark-haired and blue-eyed, kneeling next to him. There was something - a connection between these two, something that Poe had never managed to find for himself - but he couldn't remember their names.

And the man had called him _cousin._ But Poe didn't have -

"Healing's going to go better if we get everything more or less back into place before we start," the first man said. "Sorry, Poe." And before Poe could protest, the man grabbed his hand, grabbed one of his broken fingers, and _twisted_ -

* * *

Poe screamed in imagined - remembered? - pain. Kylo Ren let his hand fall, and Poe sucked in a deep breath, then another, desperately grateful for the oxygen that filled his lungs. He flexed his fingers, unable to stop himself, and almost moaned in relief as his hands responded immediately and without pain.

Kylo Ren just stood there, arms crossed, head cocked slightly to one side.

"What - what was that?" Poe asked, willing his racing heart to slow. "You got a hell of an imagination, buddy. A speeder on two wheels? Really? That's cute."

Ren continued to study him in silence. Poe felt sweat break out on his upper lip, though he thought he managed to hide his sudden nervousness. Something was wrong - more wrong, he amended his thought. What was Ren thinking?

The tall, masked figure began to pace around him, slowly. Poe forced himself to hold still, though he desperately wanted to turn his head to follow Ren's movement. _Just another scare tactic,_ he told himself. _Problem is, it's working._

"Interesting," Ren finally said, once he'd made a full circuit and was standing before Poe once more.

"Yeah?" Poe could never keep his mouth shut when he was unnerved, and for some reason, Ren's regard had shaken him badly. He found refuge in snarkiness, as usual. "They tell me I've got the best ass in the Resistance, too, but you can't really appreciate it in this contraption. And, you know, I've never really been into bondage anyway, so why don't you let me out of this thing and maybe we could just go out to dinner or something?"

The mask was really starting to get to Poe, the way it hid any expression on Ren's face - assuming he still had a face underneath. What was he thinking? Fuck - what was _Poe_ thinking, even jokingly referring to sex like that? But Ren wouldn't - he wouldn't - fuck, he probably _would,_ wouldn't he, if it got him the info he wanted? He might not do the deed himself - wouldn't want to touch the dirty Resistance pilot - but there were any number of Stormtroopers he could order to do it for him. Some might even be eager to - to -

 _Don't think about it, Dameron,_ Poe told himself. Not that it was a terribly original idea, as torture tactics went, but Poe didn't need to give the man any ideas, especially since... _Dammit, Dameron, stop_ thinking _about it!_

Poe was really starting to regret his cocky younger self, who hadn't taken the anti-interrogation training seriously, who'd thought he could talk his way out of any situation - who'd thought he was too good to even _get_ into these kinds of situations. He felt his hands start to shake as Ren continued to stare at him. Poe pressed his lips together firmly, a reminder to keep his mouth shut, no matter what. Ren wouldn't get another word out of him, no matter what he did, or ordered to have done, to Poe.

Okay - screams, yes, probably. Words - no.

"You don't know," Ren said, the mechanized voice projecting a sense of wonder. "You truly don't know."

Confused, Poe almost asked what he was talking about, but stopped himself. _It's a trap, a trick of some kind,_ he told himself.

Ren stepped closer, slowly, and tilted his head as he looked at Poe. "What else is in there?" he asked. "What else do you not know you know?"

 _What?_ Poe tried to hide his bewilderment, but he was afraid Ren could see it easily, with no recourse to his power.

Ren raised both hands this time, and almost gently placed his fingertips on either side of Poe's head. Poe tried to shake them off, but the interrogation chair offered little range of movement. He closed his eyes, telling himself it was so Ren wouldn't read anything in them - but he knew the truth, and if Ren didn't now, he would certainly feel Poe's fear soon enough.

An odd pressure began to build in Poe's head, almost as if Ren had his skull in a vice. Poe tried to resist, but it was useless; Ren swept easily past Poe's conscious thoughts, ruthlessly seeking out what he wanted - and what he wanted, Poe had no idea...

* * *

"So you've got the entire manual in your memory banks?" Poe asked in astonished admiration.

[All of my people do,] a much shinier BB-8 told him, rolling back and forth slightly. [In the beginning, we were all wizards, until the First Ones decided it should be a choice. A species of all wizards is just as unbalanced as a species with no wizards at all. Still, even if we don't take the Oath, we have the Knowledge.]

"Really? Isn't that dangerous, though?" Poe asked, then hurriedly backtracked. "Not that I'm saying any of your people would - you know."

[No. My people rejected the Lone One's gift right from the start,] BB-8 said. [Or will reject it. Or - binary doesn't really handle verb tenses well, when temporospatial claudications are involved. You really need the Speech to describe something that happens in your personal past but your present's future.]

Poe ignored the linguistic aside for the far more interesting topic. "You mean an entire species rejected entropy? I didn't think that was even possible," he said, staring in wonder at BB-8. "But wait - I've seen droids rust out and die before. How -?"

[I'm not a droid - not like you know them, but you can keep calling me that, for simplicity's sake,] BB-8 said. [Our Mother called us mobiles, but we're similar enough to the droids here that the distinction only matters in the Speech.]

"You're from a completely different place and time - a whole other _universe_ ," Poe said. "And you chose to stay here. Saar'h had to, but you could've gone back before she closed the rift. Why didn't you?"

BB-8 rolled forward and fixed Poe with a direct look from his optical sensor. [Because you need a companion. An adjunct. And an astromech, if that landing was anything to judge by.]

"Ouch," Poe said, putting his hand over his heart in mock pain. "For a droid with no arms, you sure don't pull your punches, do you?"

[And for a being with no wheels, you've certainly learned well how to roll with it, haven't you?] BB-8's tone was pleased. [So what do you say? Partners?]

"Yeah," Poe said, grinning. "Partners."

* * *

"Hello," Poe said to the multi-legged being that marched - there was no other word for it - up to him as soon as he stepped out of the transit circle. "I am on errantry, and I greet you."

It was wild, being on a world, in a universe, where you could just _announce_ that without having to worry about the repercussions of a Force user overhearing the Speech and putting two and two together. Here, the Force was nothing but a story, too weak to be useful even if someone believed in it. But while some parts of this universe were _sevar'frith_ , at the Crossings it was okay to be open about -

"Oh, great," the Rirhait muttered, waving its eye-stalks in what Poe was pretty sure translated as a look of disdain. "Another wizard. Just don't blow the place up, okay? We only just rebuilt from the _last_ time a wizard was here on errantry." And it turned around, as abruptly as a being with dozens of legs could, and stomped off without a second glance.

Well. Crossings Management aside, Poe could be open about his wizardry here. He hefted his manual and looked around curiously. There was a vendor selling some kind of blue food product from a little stall -

* * *

"What's the meaning of life?" Poe asked the short four-legged creature next to him.

"You know, I'd give a lot for a little variety," the Transcendent Pig complained. "Just once, couldn't someone start off with something a little less philosophical? Like, 'Hey, did you see the pod races on the holo last night?'" The Pig sighed, sounding very put-upon.

"Well, did you?" Poe asked.

"What, do I look like I follow pod racing?" The Pig snorted. "But thanks for trying, kid."

* * *

"Bee, listen to me. I need you to recalc the power requirements -"

[No! You can't do this alone!]

"I might have to." And the thought terrified Poe, but he couldn't let that stop him. "We're dropping like mynocks out here."

[It could kill you.]

"Yeah, it could," Poe admitted, much more calmly than he felt. "But consider what happens if we fail. If it comes down to me or billions of lives - well, there's really only one choice, isn't there?"

[No. There's more than one choice. There's always a choice.] BB-8 rolled forward and bumped Poe's shoulder with his body. [I'll write an open-ended version of the spell, if that's what you want - but I hope we don't have to use it.]

"Me too, buddy," Poe said, wrapping his arm around BB-8. "Me, too." But he had a sick feeling...

* * *

"Stop - stop it," Poe whispered, shaking his head. He was dimly aware that Ren had let go and stepped back out of reach; but Ren didn't have to touch him to torment him. And he _was_ tormenting Poe, even if Poe didn't understand what was happening to him.

"There's so much of your life you can't remember, and you never realized it," Ren said. "So much sadness, and you never questioned it. You thought that was _normal_." Was that pity? Poe might be imagining it. "But I find that I'm curious. What is this 'wizardry'?"

Poe shook his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said weakly.

"Oh, I'm well aware of that," Ren said. "More so than even you know." He stepped closer again, and raised his hands. "Let's find out together, shall we?"

* * *

_So this is what it's like to face your own death,_ Poe thought dimly. _I thought I'd have a whole lot longer before I ever had to do this. But the manual had a warning, and I just ignored it..._

Poe stood, frozen, as the - the _monster_ \- tossed aside the droids who'd been protecting him as if they were small toys. Now it was just it and Poe, and Poe was reminded of the Oath he'd sworn, to put aside fear for courage -

 _You're pathetic,_ the thing's voice crept into Poe's mind. _And you claim to be Shara Bey's son. She would weep if she could see what you've become._

~A wizard, like your mother,~ the Force tree had said. ~A pilot and a wizard. And sensitive to the Force, as well. You have the potential to change the galaxy, Poe Dameron. But you'll have to live with the consequences, whatever you do. Choose wisely, go well - and may the Force be with you.~

Poe clutched his manual - the manual his mother had used, the old data pad that held the fairy tales from his childhood - and raised his chin higher. "Fairest and Fallen," he called out, and his voice only shook a little, "greeting and defiance!"

The monster roared in wordless rage and charged forward, past the line the droids had been protecting -

And Poe spoke the last word of the spell he'd been holding ready, and the trap snapped closed all around it.

* * *

"Hey, Poe, have you seen Carl?"

Poe turned around, exhaling in relief. Just the person he'd been looking for. "He's up on your moon," Poe told the blue-eyed, dark-haired man who had joined him by the little backyard pond. "Something the koi said upset him, and he took off. I think maybe he shouldn't be alone right now, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Maybe he'll talk to you, though."

Tom nodded, already distracted by the transit wizardry he was no doubt building in his head. "What did they say?" he asked.

"We were talking about - what did you guys call an open-ended power request? Something about that paper currency you use?" Earth was an interesting planet, but holy Force, was it primitive. If Poe hadn't seen the timeslide data for himself, he would never have believed he'd ended up millennia ahead of his own universe's timeline.

"Blank check spells?" Tom raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"I mentioned that Shorbecca asked me to read up on them, and Carl asked why I wouldn't just use the Force to get the extra power I needed," Poe explained. 

"Why wouldn't you?" Tom asked, curious. "I mean, I understand why your whole universe is _sevar'frith_ , but you said you're a Force-sensitive wizard. Why couldn't _you_ use the Force to boost your wizardry?"

"Because any other Force-sensitive being would feel what I did, possibly over several parsecs," Poe said. "And they'd feel the difference. Even if I'd been trained as a Jedi, I still only have enough power to maybe lift you a few feet into the air, if I didn't use the Speech to focus it."

"And if you did?"

"If your universe was as strong in the Force as mine," Poe said, " _and_ if I had any practice in using the Force with the Speech, I could probably pull your moon out of orbit without breaking a sweat. I _wouldn't_ ," he added hastily, "but I could. But any other Force user would feel it, and that's why we don't do it. They'd know right away that I shouldn't have been able to do it, as weak in the Force as I am."

"And they'd start asking questions, possibly Darth Vader style." Tom said. It was one of the few benefits of the worldgate rift that brought Poe to this universe - the collective subconsciousness of his own place and time had started to leak through, enough that certain ideas had entrenched themselves into the imaginations of this world's inhabitants. Even if they did think it could only have happened long ago, in a galaxy far, far away - which, to them, it had.

"Right," Poe agreed. "I mean, if it came down to it, the average wizard could kick the average Sith Lord's ass -"

"But if wizards always won, entropy wouldn't be half the threat it is, would it," Tom finished for him. "But why do you think that upset Carl? And how do the koi come in?"

"Well, I don't think that's what upset him," Poe said. "But we were talking about that, and then one of the koi popped up with one of their cryptic verse things."

"Haiku," Tom corrected automatically. "Well? How 'bout it, then?"

One of the little fish creatures - maybe it was the same one, Poe couldn't tell - swam up to the surface and recited, in its strange verse:

_"The easy way out_  
_Is not an option for one_  
_With a willing heart."_

Poe turned to Tom. "So what does that mean?" he asked. "Do you know?"

He must, Poe thought, because Tom had gone pale at the koi's words, just as Carl had. But, just as Carl had, Tom evaded the question.

"I'll go talk to him," Tom said. He stepped away, putting the minimum safe distance for a transit spell between them. Then he shook his head and reached sideways, pulling his manual - a paper book, something Poe had only heard about - from his personal claudication. "Just - stay here, cousin, til we get back. Okay?" He pulled a string of glowing silver words out of the book, laid them down in a circle around him, and vanished. A loud clap of inrushing air announced his departure for the airless moon that orbited the planet.

Poe stared at the space where Tom had been. Whatever was going on, Tom was so flustered by it that he'd had to resort to his manual to pull together a basic transit spell, and he'd forgotten the sound dampener routine. Poe only just managed to shake himself out of his shock and throw up his own invisibility spell before one of Tom's neighbors peeked out their back window to look for the source of the sound.

What was _that_ about? And why were the two Earth wizards so worried by a bit of piscean poetry, anyway?

* * *

[Are you sure about this?] BB-8 asked, his tone modulating his words into something more like, 'I'm not so sure about this.'

"It'll work, Bee," Poe said with a grin for his best friend. "And it's the best way to get us off base without being noticed."

[But a pilot depends on their astromech,] BB-8 reminded him. [Without us, the risks of hyperspace travel are much higher. Someone could die.]

"I won't let that happen," Poe promised. "Do you really think I'd risk anyone's life over this?"

[Of course not,] BB-8 said. [But are you sure you can do it?]

"I'm sure," Poe said. "I'm not doing this for kicks, Bee. I'll take Lieutenant Baer's safety as seriously as you've always taken mine."

[Okay, then,] BB-8 agreed, finally mollified. [Get on with it.]

Poe pulled his data pad from his personal claudication - and now he knew how his mom had always been able to pull it out of thin air when he was a kid - and quickly brought up the spell diagram he'd spent the last several days putting together. One swipe, and now the diagram was all around him, hanging in the air in curves and lines of silver light. Poe checked it over one last time, waited for BB-8's approving nod, then put the data pad back and stood in the center of the circle, shoulders thrown back.

[If you come out of this looking like C-3PO,] BB-8 said, [I'm gonna laugh my gyros off.]

"Just you wait," Poe promised. "You'll see."

Then he started to read the spell.

It was like every time he performed wizardry, from the large group workings to the smaller personal spells. The sense that someone or something larger than him was leaning in, listening with bated breath. Something that hung on every word, every syllable; and then took those words, along with Poe's intent and will, and turned them into reality. He loved this more than flying, more than anything - and if it came with a price that was occasionally painful to pay, well, he would pay it.

He was a wizard - til Universe's End.

The spell took hold of him then, changing him - temporarily, or at least that was the plan - the way he'd told it to. Poe felt his arms and legs shortening, his torso filling out, and, well, droids didn't have analogs to some of his body parts, but that was okay, that was one less thing to worry about. Sight and sound expanded, and some of it seemed to combine in odd ways, because it was all waves of energy in the end, right? - the visual spectrum, infrared, ultraviolet, radio and waves of sound moving the air molecules and _wow_ \- is this how BB-8 perceived the world _all the time_?

[Aw,] BB-8 beeped, and Poe found he could hear his friend both through both sound and radio waves. [You're really adorable as an R2 unit, you know that?]

Poe tried shifting onto his wheels and rolling around, and nearly tipped himself over when he tried turning too fast. [You'd better not be hitting on me, Bee,] he warned.

[Are you kidding? It'd be like you hitting on a toddler, in more ways than one.] BB-8 rolled over and bumped into Poe's - well, it probably helped to think of it as his chest. [Are you ready to roll?]

[Funny, Bee. Very funny.]

[Oh, come on! How was that not funny? You may look like a droid,] BB-8 said, shaking his head, [but you still have a human's terrible sense of humor.]

* * *

"The power that must have taken," Ren said. "And yet I sense only the slightest amount of the Force in you. How did you get this power? And why do you not have it now?"

"Fuck off, Ren." Poe barely had the energy, or the will, for that small act of defiance. Tears ran freely down his face; he didn't even try to hide his emotions. What was the point, when Ren could just reach in and take, and take, and take -

Ren raised his hands yet again, and Poe didn't resist.

* * *

His mom's data pad. She'd always had the thing handy, always, even when Poe swore there was no way she could have concealed it on her person. When he asked her how she did it, she'd always say it was magic.

 _And it was_ , Poe thought. He looked at the beat up old data pad in his hands as he swung one leg idly from his perch on the Force tree in his yard. He'd come up here for privacy when it became apparent that the data pad he'd found among his mother's belongings wasn't just any data pad. If even half of its introductory document was true, then it really _was_ magic.

Poe knew he should be skeptical. He was twelve years old, for fuck's sake; he wasn't a little kid anymore. And yet...

_If it's true - then Mom was a wizard, as strong as a Jedi, at least in all the ways that count. And I could be, too..._

Mind made up, he took a deep breath and began to read.

"'In Life's name, and for Life's sake, I assert that I will employ the Art that is Its gift in Life's service alone, rejecting all other usages. I will guard growth and ease pain. I will fight to preserve what grows and lives well in its own way; and I will change no object or creature unless its growth and life, or that of the system of which it is part, are threatened. To these ends, in the practice of my Art, I will put aside fear for courage, and death for life, when it is right to do so - til Universe's end.'"

~Well said, young wizard,~ a voice whispered in his mind, and Poe nearly fell out of the Force tree in shock. ~Very well said. And well met on the common journey, cousin.~

* * *

His X-wing drifted through space, its systems offline, and Poe couldn't waste the time to bring them back up again. The electronics were too badly damaged, and BB-8 had taken a hit as well, hard enough to sever the mobile's connection to the fighter craft. Fortunately, Poe didn't need the X-wing interface to communicate with his astromech.

 _Bee, it's time, I need the revised spell_ now _._

_But Poe, the cost - without the other wizards -_

_I said I'd pay it, and I will,_ Poe said. _I won't throw away billions of lives just so I can keep my wizardry. What kind of wizard would that make me?_

 _I know,_ BB-8 beeped mournfully. _The Lone One's got us in a no-win situation._

 _No, that's what It_ wants _us to think,_ Poe said. _But saving an entire star system - how is that anything other than a win? Does It really think I wouldn't sacrifice my wizardry for that? I was ready to_ die _for this, Bee._

And honestly, Poe almost wished the Powers _had_ demanded life price in exchange for the extra power he needed to pull off the group wizardry on his own. Why should _he_ survive the mission, when the Lone One had claimed the lives of eleven other wizards? And what kind of life would he have anyway, without his wizardry? To give it up, to live the rest of his life - however brief that might be - without magic, without even the memory... _How does that even work? Will I forget everyone I ever met on errantry? Will I forget_ you, _Bee?_ _Or - fuck, will I think you're just an astromech, just a machine -_

 _No, Poe. I know you won't,_ BB-8 said firmly. _You have never in your life treated a droid as less than a person, and I know you won't start now._

 _I'm going to hold you to that,_ Poe said. _If I turn into a jackass, you have my permission to shock the hell outta me. Or just leave, find another wizard, or another pilot -_

 _Fuck_ that _. I'm staying with you, Poe. No matter what, I'll be here for you._

 _But - you don't have to,_ Poe protested, tears stinging his eyes.

 _I came here to be your adjunct,_ BB-8 said. _I'm staying because I'm your_ friend, _you nerf-herder_ _. And besides - you still need an astromech, if the state of this poor X-wing is anything to judge by._

Poe laughed weakly. _Thanks, Bee. I appreciate all the help you've given me._

_It's been an honor. Are you ready?_

Closing his eyes, ignoring the tears that now floated freely in zero-G, Poe nodded. _Hit me._

Instantly, the darkness behind Poe's eyelids lit up with the graceful curving lines of the Speech. Poe looked over the spell diagram, verifying BB-8's changes - not that the mobile was ever wrong; but if this was to be his last spell, Poe was damn sure going to do it by the book. The power section had changed considerably, the list of a dozen wizards now replaced with just one name - Poe's own - and an open-ended request to the Powers That Be for assistance, with the promise that all power borrowed would be paid back in full, in whatever manner the Powers required. 

Poe swallowed. His chest hurt, a sharp pain that had nothing to do with the ribs he'd cracked during the firefight. It was an ache he would have for the rest of his life, he knew - a hole in his heart, in his soul, where wizardry had once resided. But looking at the mission statement, the ethical arguments inscribed in silver light, and the expected outcome - a star system saved, billions of lives carrying on until entropy claimed them some other way, because the Lone Power would not claim them now - next to all that, the price Poe was being asked to pay seemed insignificant.

 _It's not,_ BB-8 whispered in his mind. _Read the equation again. Your wizardry is worth_ billions of lives _. That's not insignificant._ You're _not insignificant. Because wizardry is nothing without a willing heart._

_Thank you, Bee. For everything. The honor has been all mine._

_Does the ground suit?_

Poe nodded. _The ground suits. Let's do this._

Then he took a deep breath, and read the spell.

* * *

Climbing down the ladder one-handed, his other arm pressed tight against his side to keep from jostling his cracked ribs, Poe struggled to stay in control. They were pulling BB-8 from the wreckage. The mobile - no, the droid - might be salvageable, they were saying; but so many wizards - no, pilots, his squadron had been destroyed, he was the only one left - so many had been lost, too many. They'd won the battle, they'd deployed the wizardry - the technology - that saved the Malara sun; but it seemed the Lone One - the Dark Side - always took its due.

Poe stumbled away from his fighter, covering his ears with both hands. He couldn't - he just couldn't listen anymore, it was too much, too much death and destruction, and he couldn't stop it, he'd lost - he'd lost - he wasn't even sure _what_ he'd lost, but it was too much...

Exclamations all around him, and then Shorbecca - and then the strong, furry arms of the squadron's Wookiee mechanic caught him as his legs gave out and the darkness overwhelmed him.

* * *

"How foolish," Kylo Ren said, drawing Poe back into the present. "You had such power, and you chose to give it up. You could have done so much with it, and yet you chose the lives of strangers over that power."

"The lives of a few billion strangers, thank you very much." Poe was on autopilot at this point, and his default setting was 'smart-ass.' "But I don't expect you to understand."

The memories were coming back faster now, even without Ren's digging. The surprise when he'd learned that the spell's power requirements wouldn't require life price; the shock and pain when he realized that it would take his wizardry from him instead, even his memory of wizardry - friendships lost, because he wouldn't remember the events that forged them; his last remaining connection with his mother, gone. But the sorrow - that would remain, the one thing the Powers wouldn't - couldn't - take from him.

 _If it hadn't been for BB-8, I don't think I would have survived,_ Poe thought bleakly. _He's taken care of me, all these years - he never let me forget who I was, even without wizardry - he's always helped me fight entropy, even when I didn't know that's what I was doing. And even if I die here -_

"The droid," Ren said suddenly. "You gave the map to the droid."

"What? I - no, no, I -" Poe protested weakly; but Ren was already striding toward the door. "Wait! Stop! Please -"

Ren halted, then turned to look at Poe.

"I will find the map," he said, his tone even. "And I will search the droid's databanks for this manual of wizardry you so highly valued. And then you will teach me everything I need to know to use it."

"No." Poe was exhausted, but he summoned enough energy for one last bit of defiance. "I'd rather die first."

"I'm afraid you'll find once again that the easy way out is not an option for you," Ren said. "And you forget - I don't need your willing participation to get what I want. I should think I've made that abundantly clear. Haven't I?"

Ren's mind slammed into Poe's at full force. Poe struggled for control, but it was a foregone conclusion. Weakened, bruised and battered in both body and spirit, it was mere seconds before he succumbed to Ren's will.

"Yes, Lord Ren," he heard his own voice say. "You've made that very clear."

Ren released his hold on Poe's mind and strode out the door, leaving Poe alone in his own mind with only memories of his failure for company.

* * *

It was an hour, maybe two - Poe had lost all sense of time - before the Stormtrooper came to take him to Ren. _It's over,_ Poe thought as he stumbled along beside the trooper. _My best bet is to get this guy to shoot me before I can betray anyone else. The Resistance, the New Republic, the Powers, BB-8 - I've let everyone down._

 _The Oath said, 'I will put aside fear for courage, and death for life,_ when it is right to do so.' _Meaning sometimes it_ isn't _right to do so, and I think this must be one of those times._

The Stormtrooper suddenly pushed Poe sideways into an alcove. Poe found himself looking at the trooper's blaster, waiting, _willing_ the soldier to turn it on him and fire - but it wasn't even pointed at him, just in his general direction. What kind of guard _was_ this person?

"Listen carefully. If you do exactly as I say, I can get you out of here."

"What?" This was a hallucination, it had to be.

The Stormtrooper pulled off his helmet, and Poe congratulated his imagination. If this was a hallucination, it was a damn good-looking one.

"This is a rescue. I'm helping you escape. Can you fly a TIE fighter?" the man asked, his voice tense.

"Are you with the Resistance?" Poe asked, a little spark of hope igniting in his chest.

The man looked surprised. "No, no, I'm breaking you out. Can you fly a TIE fighter?" he repeated.

"I can fly anything," Poe said automatically. And then his memories caught up with him - talking to his fighters in the Speech, speaking and being understood, listening to what they had to say. It had always been true - Poe had yet to find a ship he couldn't fly - but the sheer joy of dodging through an asteroid field, hearing his X-wing scream in delight -

Poe shook the memory off. "But why? Why are you helping me?" he asked the trooper.

The dark-skinned man looked him right in the eyes. For someone who probably lived behind that helmet, he had a good poker face. Too good. "Because it's the right thing to do," the man said solemnly; and while Poe believed that the words were true, it clearly wasn't the whole truth.

He took a guess. "You need a pilot," Poe said.

"I need a pilot," the man agreed desperately.

_There are no accidents,_ Poe reminded himself, looking at the young man before him - an unlikely ally, but wasn't that just the Powers' favorite storyline? Poe smiled, trying to put the trooper at his ease; and the expression came to him far easier than he'd expected. _It's the right thing to do,_ he repeated, an echo of those same words coming from deep inside his mind. _It's what a wizard would do._ And maybe Poe wasn't a wizard anymore, but he could still stand and fight against entropy.

Starting with - "We're gonna do this," he said, and watched as hope lit up the handsome face before him.

"Yeah?"

Poe nodded decisively. "Yeah."

* * *

It was as if, now that the Stormtrooper had let Poe see the face behind the helmet, he'd decided to throw away all his masks.

"I was talking to myself," the Stormtrooper said after Poe had assured him he _was_ calm, and Poe had to fight to keep the smile off his face. It was amazing - here was a man who, right before Poe's eyes, had chosen to remake himself, despite the very real danger if they were caught. Making new choices, and acting on them - _that_ was magic. Wizardry was 10% power and 90% intention, Shorbecca had always said -

_Had_ said, right as Poe was preparing to leave on what would become his last assignment under her jurisdiction.

_Focus, Dameron,_ Poe told himself, trying to keep an eye on everything and yet remain unnoticed. _You're working on 0% power, so you need to find something to make up the difference. Inspiration, maybe... I've got plenty of that on my side now. A Stormtrooper defecting? That's a paradigm shift if ever I've seen one, even if all he does is leave them. And if he joins the Resistance, helps us fight the First Order - Powers know any inside information would help..._

Then they were boarding the TIE fighter, and there was no more time to dwell on memories or paradigm shifts. Poe shucked off his jacket as he scanned the controls. No, he'd never flown a TIE, but First Order design wasn't so terribly different from the old Imperial design, and the New Republic - the survivors of the Empire - had tons of old Imperial equipment still in use. Not TIEs, though - those had all been decommissioned well before Poe joined the New Republic Navy.

"I always wanted to fly one of these things," Poe said, settling into the pilot's seat. The Stormtrooper took the gunner's position behind him. "Can you shoot?" Poe asked.

"Blasters, I can," the trooper said.

"Same principle," and Poe gave him the rundown, half on automatic as he engaged the engines. This was it, this was it!

\- And then they hit the end of the tether.

"I can fix this!" Poe called back to reassure the trooper. There had to be a release here somewhere...

The ship shuddered as small arms fire struck the wings. Poe could hear the Stormtrooper fumbling with the unfamiliar controls; a moment later, they were returning fire of their own, the trooper determinedly shooting at the people he'd presumably lived and fought beside up until now. The hits against the TIE grew fewer as the trooper landed some particularly effective shots.

Poe was about to give up and tell the Stormtrooper to aim at the tether, as unlikely as that was to help, when he finally spotted the release switch. The TIE shot forward the instant he hit the switch, speeding out of the hanger bay into the blackness of space.

"Whoa!" Poe shouted as a gentle nudge to the accelerator pushed him back into the pilot's chair. "This thing really moves!"

_And good thing, too_ , Poe thought as he swung them around. The TIE's speed and maneuverability just might make the difference - if they could keep from being blown to molecules before they left the shadow of the destroyer.

"All right," Poe called to his passenger, "we need to take out as many cannons as we can, or we're not going to get very far."

"All right," the man agreed.

"I'm going to get us in position. Just stay sharp."

Poe lined them up - as easy a shot as he could make it, what with having to avoid being shot himself, which meant it really wasn't that easy at all - but the Stormtrooper seemed to have gotten the hang of the weapons system now, and they made short work of the first cannon.

"Whoo! Did you see that?" the man crowed as they wheeled around.

"Yeah, I saw it!"

The cannon no longer a threat, Poe turned them away from the destroyer and aimed them toward Jakku. He was going to need his rescuer's help for more than just getting away from the ship, but first -

"Hey, what's your name?" Poe shouted, directing the words behind him.

(Once upon a time, he would have asked the fighter for its name, too. But those days were long gone.)

"FN-2187," came the response, and for a moment, Poe thought the young man had read his mind and identified their craft. Then -

"F - what?"

"It's the only name they gave me," the Stormtrooper explained.

Of course it was. Fucking First Order - of course they'd realize the power of having a name, any name, and then deny it to their cannon fodder...

"Well, I ain't using it!" Poe said, taking the chance that FN-21-something-something wouldn't object. No, this guy was going to get a name, a _real_ name, like humans used. They could be shot down at any moment, but Poe would be damned if his new friend didn't at least have a name when he got to Timeheart. "FN, huh? Finn! I'm gonna call you Finn. Is that all right?"

"Yeah!" Finn's enthusiasm was contagious. "Yeah, I like it!"

"My name's Poe," Poe shouted. "Poe Dameron."

"Good to meet you, Poe!"

Poe laughed. Not ten minutes ago, he'd been about to beg this man to shoot him. Now - now maybe they'd both have another chance.

"Good to meet you too, Finn!"

A flicker on the radar caught Poe's attention. Damn - they'd brought the ventral cannons online, faster than he'd thought they would. Poe swerved, calling out directions, and Finn took down the missile.

"Nice shot!"

"Hey, where are we going?"

Poe had been hoping to get a little closer to the planet before having to explain. "We're going back to Jakku, that's where."

"No no no, we can't go back to _Jakku_!" Finn sounded like he thought Poe was crazy, which, fair enough, it _was_ a crazy idea. "We've got to get out of this system!"

"I got to get my droid before the First Order does," Poe started to explain.

"Wha - a _droid_?"

"That's right, he's a BB unit, orange and white - one of a kind." In this universe, anyway - no other BB unit, anywhere, could act as an adjunct for a wizard - or a babysitter for an ex-wizard. _Not now, don't think about that now._

"I don't care what color he is, no droid can be that important!"

"This one is, pal -"

"We've got to get as far away from the First Order as we can," Finn insisted. "We go back to Jakku, we die!"

"That droid has a map that leads straight to Luke Skywalker." _Among other things - and Ren knows, fuck, he_ knows -

"Oh, you gotta be _kidding_ me!"

And then they were spinning out of control, and there was no more time for explanations, for anything other than getting them down in one piece - or as close as Poe could manage...

* * *

Poe dragged himself from the wreckage of the ship. He'd crashed - he'd _crashed_ \- how the fuck had that happened? Had his spell failed? Had he not had time to do a wizardry, any wizardry at all, to save the ship? What had _happened_?

"Bee?" he called, staggering to his feet and trying to get his bearings. "BB-8? You okay?" He turned toward the X-wing -

And was surprised to find himself staring at, not an X-wing at all, but the remains of a TIE fighter.

_What happened? Where am I? Where's BB-8? Where's -_

And then he remembered - the Star Destroyer, the TIE fighter, the Stormtrooper who'd saved him. Whom he'd given a name, rather than call him by the designation the First Order had bestowed upon him.

"Finn!" he cried, looking around. Pieces of the TIE fighter were scattered all across the sand dunes of - _Jakku, that's right, I'm on Jakku -_ but no sign of white armor, or the dark-skinned man who'd worn it. "Finn!"

He'd have to do a locator spell - two locator spells. BB-8 first - he knew the astromech's name in the Speech like he knew his own... his own...

"Poe," he muttered to himself, and tasted blood on his lips. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, and it came away red. "Poe Dameron. I'm Poe Dameron, and I - I -"

_I'm not a wizard anymore._

The knowledge staggered him, and Poe fell to his knees in the hot sand. _I was a wizard,_ he thought dizzily. _I was a wizard, and I'm not anymore. I lost it - I lost everything, I gave it up, I_ had _to, it was the only way - and now I remember, but Kylo Ren has those memories, too..._

And Kylo Ren knew that BB-8 had the map. Worse - Kylo Ren knew that BB-8 had the wizards' manual in his databanks. The little mobile was not himself a wizard, but he had an unbreakable connection to the Powers That Be - and if Kylo Ren gained access to the manual, the results would be catastrophic.

_Sevar'frith -_ that was the word. Poe's entire universe was _sevar'frith_ for a reason - no Force user, Jedi or Sith, could be allowed to learn the enactive or semi-enactive recensions of the wizards' Speech unless that Force user was also a wizard. To have access to that much power, to have that kind of control over that power, and no Oath to restrict its use - it was every wizard's nightmare.

And now Poe had made that possible.

_I have to fix this. Somehow, some way... I have to fix this._

Poe pulled himself to his feet and looked around. If his memory of their trajectory was correct, there should be a village to the east. If he was lucky, he'd find Finn along the way. If not...

_The mission has to come first. I've got to find BB-8, secure the map, secure the_ manual. _After that - after that, I'll come back for Finn. If he's still alive. Powers, please let him still be alive. You made him my inspiration, my hope - please, don't take him from me. I gave you my wizardry, I gave you_ everything _\- please, just let me have this one thing, let me find Finn..._

Holding that hope close to his heart - that Finn was still alive, that Poe would find him, that somehow everything would be all right - Poe trudged onward.


End file.
